Angst, Anxiety and As-

-sho... Well you get the point.
     Man has this been a fun week. I hardly even have the patience to write this blog post because of how fun it has been.
     Oops. Is my sarcasm showing again? Sorry I try to hide that. Doesn't always work out. Whatever.
     But boy has it been a fun week, I mean with all this joyful college fair stuff? My family has been a huge bundle of fun. On top of them telling me the best I can do is drop out of high school (oh but it was "sarcastic" they say. Mhm that's the first thing on my list of things I really wanted to hear right now THANKS), I have to worry about somehow paying the funds to actually get into college, and get a good education. I guess it's either that or being a bank teller or something as equally stupid.
     This week has been a huge debate of whether AP classes and similar varieties of education are worth it. I mean, I've been told and told AND TOLD to challenge myself but the more I think about it the more I wonder WHAT WAS THE FREAKING POINT?
     "Oh you are paying $90 now to save $1,000 later! It will be worth--"
     Let me stop you right there. There are SO many things wrong with this statement.
     Lets start on the AP test. Sure. So I'm paying $90 for a test I am not even sure I am going to pass, and some colleges don't even exempt you from a class with a 3 on the stupid thing. Well, there goes $1,090 down the drain.
     Next, lets just look at the type of student I am. I will admit, I am not the most motivated student. I am above average, but I am not the best. "Challenging" myself by taking these AP classes really does nothing for me. I get a B or sometimes a C in the class, which has no benefit. Sure, I passed my two classes last year, but at what cost? Lets take a look.
     UNR will give you $5,000 a year if you can get a 3.5 UNWEIGHTED GPA in your core classes; English, Science, Social Science, and Math. Hmm, it seems our school only offers AP courses in these subjects! How useful. As I stated earlier, my GPA gets hit pretty hard by the fact that I take AP classes. My core average runs about a 3.1. So $5,000 gone. The Silver-and-Blue scholarship ($2,500) is for a 3.3 unweighted GPA in all classes and a nigh perfect score on the ACT/SAT. A 3.4 GPA puts you at a next-to-perfect or a nigh-perfect ACT/SAT score. My unweighted total GPA? 3.3/3.4. So I gotta shoot for am ALMOST PERFECT ACT or SAT score (of which, for your information, I will not be taking until December. Thanks padres. Like I had $80 to spend on these stupid tests).  So you see my problem? The next level of scholarship is the Nevada Pride level. At this point, I have a pretty wide range of test scores and GPAs to get this one. This scholarship is the one I will most likely be getting. $1,500 a year. Woo. So why am I bitter?
     Cause it's unfair. I'm gonna be saving only $600 on college courses thus far (my 3 on the APUSH exam doesn't count unless I got a four). I have this strong STRONG belief that if I had taken normal classes rather than AP/Honors, my GPA would benefit. By that, I probably could have hit 3.5 and gotten the $5,000 Presidential. So $600 taken off the first year cause my lousy 3 on the AP English exam gets me three credits, then I am saving -$19,400. Whoa, that's a nice number. If I pass all my exams this year, then it only puts me up $2,000. I am still down by over seventeen-thousand dollars. See where my problem lies?
     So my question I pose to you my dear friends, is what is the point of working so hard? Sure, I challenge myself, but my grade does the suffering. And by my grade suffering, I am gonna have a lot harder of a time getting through college. If I can't get through college, then ALL that hard work was wasted as the credits are naught. For me, this is a losing battle.
     A losing battle that at this moment causes a lot of anxiety, a lot of angst, and seems to be making everyone a bit of an asshole.

(Word count: 781 words)